I'd love to hear people's opinions on what would possess my extremely attractive wife to fall in love with two different guys who are, shall we say...not exactly easy on the eyes.
To preface things, my wife and I are still best friends and have always gotten along really well, but our love life is poor because she is very inhibited and would really rather not have sex (I'd say we have it maybe 5 times a year). I am in good shape and still attractive for my age (47). I still have a full head of hair and virtually no gray.
Her first affair was 14 years ago with her ex-boss (lasted 1 year). He was our age, but was considerably overweight, starting to bald, and had a full beard (something that until then she had always said was a turn off). The second affair was with a colleague in her company, and lasted 2 years. I just discovered it, and have confirmed that it has ended (he lives in another state). He is also our age, but is short, fat, and almost completely bald. Both men were (are) married with young kids.
I've never understood the attractions (I guess love really is blind). The best I can figure is that she is attracted to extroverted men of power (both are ambitious men in the financial field). While I like to party and have a good time with small groups of friends, I am more introverted and am content in my above-average paying job as a bank officer (I don't aspire to be a bank President or anything). My goal has always been family first, not work. These other guys are not like that. In my opinion, that means I put HER and my kids first. Am I wrong on this?
Anyway, she has confessed that these other guys always 'understood' her better and, unlike me, were able to break down her emotional walls, whatever that means. So now I'm stuck here desperately wanting her to love me back, while she seems to want no part of it because she'd rather be with someone else.
I just don't get it. Please help. I am still debating divorce, but I don't want it, particularly since we still have a 10 year old at home to be concerned about.
Have some peaceful talk and focus on those things where you both has misunderstanding. try to understand what he wants you to understand. If doing this doesn't work still, II think it's time for her also to make a move to make up your relationship and maybe this time you can't blame yourself. Try also to make her realize that your son needs a whole family where he can turn to.
this is an age old unsolved mystery that why Do Girls get attracted to Jerks and just want to be 'friends' with nice guys unfortunately I don't know the answer
.. as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you ..
..you Broke my heart ..but I Love you with Every piece of it ..
Contact for troubles/questions regarding these boards
Thanks for your reply, c17ross07. We have indeed had several discussions about where to go from here, and we both agree that if at all possible, we need to hold things together for the benefit of our young son. We both feel he deserves the same fair shake that his older brothers (both in college) got - a solid, loving family unit. But I can't shake the feeling that in 9 years when he goes off to college, she will want to move on to somebody else (perhaps one of her affair partners). I'm not sure I want to go through the motions for NINE more years if I think she may not be there for me when that time has passed. Yes it will benefit my son, but what would my options be if I got divorced at 56? Probably not as promising as they would be now. I suppose it's possible that since her latest affair has ended and we are both going through counseling, things could get better for us. But there is certainly no guarantee, particularly since she has confessed she's never really been "in love" with me during our entire 23 year marriage. Who knows...just thinking out loud here.
Let your wife understand that you really have to do something with your relationship. I think both of you should make it up especially that you have your child involved in the situation...
Pages: 1
Author
My wife had affairs with two ugly guys. (currently 50 views)
Male
Logged
Locked Board