Hello everybody I can start directly by saying my wife left me after 6years of marriage. it has been 15 days i don't know anything about her.we were Living together in Belgium.the life was so hard but love is so strong,then she told me let's go back to Danmark her country. i said no problem so she said i will go first and then i will find a help from the state to get a house deposit and then we got back.I told her then let's not pay the rent here and i will contact the landlord that we are moving.Things done,she took me with our 2 kids to my job and he said goodbye and come soon to us. She called me after one day that to get help she has to be a signle mother and for this reason we have to divorce.i tried calling no answer.I called her familly and friends same things.I will go back and say that we had such a big love. 15 days i didn't stop crying or torturing my self.beside coffe and cigarrettes i don't put even a bread in my mouth. I went to our states to help me finding a therapy...an appointement after one month. I am totaly lost.I don't care about what she did but i want her back.i send thousands of sms to her mobile.i get delivery report but no answer. How can that happened? how a woman in her age and having kids choose to abondon all.knowing we are both 36 years old. I thought of suicide..hurting my self...but each i remember her and my kids then i stop. those she also feel the same pain? i swear before she went she was crying but she told me..so soon love so soon. please help me with any sort or advices... thanks alot
Um, I don't want to sound like Mr. Know-It-All here, but there are a huge flaws in this...
First, you can't be divorced yet. You can't get a divorce that fast.
Second, just because you're divorced doesn't mean you can't be together. For being 36 years old, I'm surprised neither of you thought of that.
You get a divorce, she gets her welfare from the state, she gets an apartment, you move in as her boyfriend.
You said you work. Why can't you afford a house/apartment in Denmark?
OK, I think I'm gonna call bullshit on this...
1> People don't move to another country with 2 kids and THEN decide to find a place to live. They do research.
2> People don't just get one-sided divorces in 15 days.
3> People don't dump a spouse completely so they can get on welfare. Yes, they might get a divorce so dad can work and mom can get welfare money, but they stay together.
4> Two people who are 36 years old should be able to figure this out.
In the extreme unlikihood that this is real, I'm sorry for you, Zak.
Is it possible that she ran off with another guy?
If not, then tell her you'll get a divorce, you'll still live together, you'll work, and she'll get welfare from the state. You'll ave more money than you did before and you can still be together as a family.
Hopefully, that'll work. And, if all else fails, don't kill yourself. Call a lawyer, try to get custody of your kids (a single father with a job is better than a single mother living off the state), and do the best you can with them. Show them the benefits of a good honest day of work. Show them that good, honest work is the way to succeed. Unlike their mother who is living off the state. Living that way is a direct path to failure dying alone. In the end, don't kill yourself. Your kids need a father. And, after awhile, it'll get easier and you'll be happy again one day.
Dear Myzyri Thank you so much for your answer. Before we lived in DK all of us.Then I was working with a danish company.They told after a while that they will be located in Belgium and as i speak french so i still have a place with them if i want to.I asked my wife and she told me sure and the salary will double. we moved to Belgium and after 6months the company broke.But in the mean time i already bought a big car with credit and i accumulated alot of debts even my salary was good.But i thought it will stay always the same. During this period we had our fights as she was thinking we did a huge mistake by moving. Our kids loast a year in school.And now they are facing it an other time by going back to DK.they do speak danish but they can not write it. The suggestion you wrote about getting divorce and then i go to her as a boy friend can be a solution.But if i tell you that no one is answering me.Neither her or her family. I talked to my lawyer and he said he will figure out a way of contact. what is scaring me is that my wife think sometimes so strange.Before me she had relationships...but each time she moves on she change her name(this you can do in DK) She also before our mariage she had a relationship with an other man and to get ride of him she went to the police and said he came with a gun and he wanted to kill her..but it was not true and she confessed me this after. I know she is a hard and strong person not sensitive like me..But i do love her so much and i don't see my life without her neither without our daughters. No i am so afraid to loose everything...my family,my job and my self...i went yesterday to work but i couldn't...i had tears that one off my GM told me go to a doctor. She has family and friends in DK...i have none here. During last 6 years,she was behaving good..loving me and showing me she grows up.So the idea that she got a boyfriend is far away but all is possible. It's hard to be sensitive and give all your heart to your spouse.I forgot even when it was the last time i ate something beside drinking coffe and smoking.Yesterday i wanted to stand and i found my self sooo weak. I was sending her many sms and mails...now i gave up..i can not anymore
First, stop texting her. If you don't say anything for awhile, she might get worried and call to check on you. Maybe she will. Maybe she won't. But stop texting. If she's not answering you anyway, why bother? It's just making you more angry and hurt.
Second, make a plan. Write it down. Something like this:
1> Eat a sandwich. 2> Sleep. 3> Shower & shave. 4> Drive to her relative. (Pick the one she's best with.) 5> Ask them what's going on. Ask them to contact her for you.
Once you have a plan, you know what you're going to do. Hopefully, it will give you enough peace to let you sleep. Without a plan, your mind is racing because everything is uncertain. Make a plan, get some food, and sleep for at least 8 hours. With all that coffee and all those cigarettes, your throat must feel and taste like a sandpaper a**hole. (I remember what it was like smoking that much.)
Once you've slept, get in the car and go talk to the relative that is her favorite. Maybe they can help. If nothing else, tell them that you're worried about your children and you need to know that they're OK. You want to be able to see them and talk to them.
Also, you *CAN* live without her. Right now, your first priority should be your children. You deserve them and they deserve you. Make sure you get things settled with your kids. THEN, worry about what to do with your wife.
If i had a real brother he will not talk to me like you did.I thank you so much fo your time and your precious advices. i will make a plan to know where to start from. For her relative...they don't like me as i am a stranger for them.black fair and arab.even i love all people and all religions.And i teached my daughters the same believes. i will follow what you adviced me.I will stop texting her as a first step and then i will convince my self to do some changes. I will start now. Thanks again
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