Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it. ---------------------------------------------------------- On the first day of creation, God created the cat.... On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.... On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat....
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat.... On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it.... On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.... On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litter box....
Yes, it's a cat's world after all. Amen! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Questions that people have asked on a pet food companies 800 help line
My cat just came in from the garage and I was wondering - how many calories are there in a mouse?
I have a neutered male cat. How old should he be before I can breed him?
How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband's toothbrush?
My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug and it's stuck in the vacum cleaner. Any suggestions?
How do I stop my cat from giving food to the dog?
Do you know how to toilet train a cat?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CAT e gories
CATegory - cat run over by steamroller
CAThedral - a church cat
CATaract - a cat with bad eyes
CATerpillar - a very fuzzy cat
CATalonia - a Spanish cat
CATapult - a flying cat
CATaclysm - a cat prone towards violence
CAThode - an electrically charged cat
CATholic - a religious cat
CATerwaul - a cat with a very loud cry
CATacomb - a cat that burrows underground
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."
"Thousands of years ago, cats were woreshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phooey On Dogs
I think that I shall never see A dog as he's supposed to be; A dog who since he was a pup Has learned when he should just shut up.
I'm tired of hearing dogs just yap And wake me when I take a nap. Those boisterous creatures bark and growl, Bay at the moon and screech and howl.
They never do a lick of work, They run around like they're berserk. They irritate like hordes of gnats. I wish that dogs were more like cats.
For cats are quiet, sweet, demure And known for being clean and pure. But dogs are different, that's the truth And, more than that, they're just uncouth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And God Created The Cat
It is reported that the following edition of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Seal Scrolls.
And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me.
Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."
And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved.
And Cat did not care one way or the other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some of Kitty's Favorite Christmas Carols
--1. Up on the Mousetop --2. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas --3. Joy to the Curled --4. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus --5. The First Meow --6. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful --7. Silent Mice --8. Fluffy, the Snowman --9. Jingle Balls --10. Wreck the Halls
Please don't go looking for this CD in the stores!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cats Do What They Want
1) Cats do what they want.
2) They rarely listen to you.
3) They're totally unpredictable.
4) They whine when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They expect you to cater to their every whim.
They're moody.
9) They leave hair everywhere.
10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: They're tiny little women in cheap fur coats.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cat One Liners
What looks like half a cat? The other half!
What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool? She had mittens!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
How do cats eat spaghetti? The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!
What is a French cat's favorite pudding? Chocolate mousse!
What do cat actors say on stage? Tabby or not tabby!
What did the cat say when he lost all his money? I'm paw!
How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold? He has cat-arrh!
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling? She's got that down in the mouth look!
What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla? An animal that puts you out a night!
What do you do with a blue Burmese? Try and cheer it up a bit!
What is the cat's favorite TV show? The evening mews!
What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi cabs!
How is cat food sold? Usually purr can!
What noise does a cat make going down the highway? Miaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!
What do you get if cross a cat with a canary? Shredded tweet!
What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have? A catastrophe!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree? A cat-a-logue!
What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim? An octopuss!
Why did the cat join the Red Cross? Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!