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 Board Index    Love and Friendship    Relationship Advice and Love Talk  ›  building a stronger relationship as you grow up
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  Author    building a stronger relationship as you grow up  (currently 529 views)
Posted on: November 20th, 2006, 5:32am Quote Report to Moderator
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Posts: 8
i have a girlfriend who i knew for 7 years and we were going out for one year but started messing around with each other for like 2-3 years
i love this girl
im 21 and shes 20 meaning were pretty grown up about alot of things
wen were together i noticed that we are comfortable with anything we say or do
we act like lil kids and snuggle followed by jus kissing eachothers cheeks lips etc etc
we can do anything
also we play games and watch romance animes together
i think our relationship is pretty strong
BUT i want her to know that im ready to show my true love and commit to her
now i have no job and im currently seeking one
how much should i be making to prove to her i can support us
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Posted on: November 20th, 2006, 7:25am Quote Report to Moderator

Gender: Male
Posts: 1,535
it really depends on the standard of living that you want to have and also on the place where you live ...

.. as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you .. Broke my heart ..but I Love you with Every piece of it ..

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Posted on: November 26th, 2006, 6:45am Quote Report to Moderator
Baby Member

Posts: 8
well i think were probably too young for this
im 21 and shes 19 so i think its not time to confess too much love right?
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Posted on: November 27th, 2006, 6:58am Quote Report to Moderator

Gender: Male
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My concern about this is that you said you "act like lil kids."  Talking to each other in baby-talk and acting like kids when you're together is usually a sign of the maturity level of the relationship.  Maybe you've grown up a little, but has she?

You guys fooled around for a couple years before you even started dating.  Is she really into the relationship or did you two just fall into it because you had fun experimenting and exploring sexuality?

On the other hand, if you've been such good friends, such close "lovers," and you've been dating for a year already, I'm amazed that you haven't told her how you really feel.  On the flip side, I'm surprised she hasn't told you.  After a year or dating, you should be able to confess every ounce of your love.  So, all that brings me back to thinking that your relationship isn't really on a mature level at this point.  It seems to be a bit "high schoolish" if you're both still not really comfortable discussing your real feelings.  

As for your other question about how much you should be making to prove that you could support her, IMAX was right.  It's all based on your living arrangements, needs, etc.  There are a lot of things to consider.

Personally, I'd never live in an apartment building unless I owned it.  If you're going to go with some sort of community living situation, buy a condo.  At least that way, you build some equity and credit.  Plus, if you move out of an apartment, you get back your security deposit; however, when you move out of a condo, you get back the appreciation as well as the equity you've built.  

I don't know where you live, but here's a breakdown of a $100,000 mortgage for a standard 30 years at 6% interest with $3500 in yearly taxes:

Monthly Mortgage Payment:  $599.55
Monthly Taxes:  $291.67
Monthly Insurance:  $30.00

If you live in a condo, they might pay some of your bills for you, but they charge a monthly assessment.  This assessment also pays for lighting in common areas, snow shoveling, lawn service, building repairs on common elements, etc.  In Chicago, the average assessment is about $150-$200.  So, you'll be up to about $1100 a month at this point.

Then, you'll need to pay other bills.  These could be gas, electric, phone, cable, internet service, cell phones, subscriptions (NetFlix, magazines, Xbox Live, etc.).  

Of course, you'll need to eat, so you're buying food every week or two.  That's a few hundred bucks a month.  Add a few hundred more a month if you go out to restaurants.

Then, there are general necessities like toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo, razors, tampons, band-aids, and other toiletries that you need to stock up on occasionally.  We'll include cleaning products in this too.

Now, let's say you're fine with that and you're ready to move in somewhere.  What about furniture?  Dishes?  Pots and pans?  Silverware?  Computers?  Desks?  Etc.

You can buy less expensive furniture, but it's still not cheap.  Even with the least expensive furniture that's still of a decent quality, you're looking at a few thousand dollars.

Next are incidentals like medications (although those might be weekly/monthly), doctor bills (general, dental, vision), traffic tickets, shoes, clothes, gas for your cars, auto insurance, and other charges that just pop up on occasion or even on a routine basis.  

Then, there are things like pets.  If you have pets, that costs money too.  Veterinarian bills, medication, food, treats, etc.

I'm sure I'm missing a bunch of stuff, but that's kind of what you're looking at. Being an adult has a lot of responsibilities and costs quite a bit.  And if you're 21, are you in college?  Are you paying for it?  At 19, is she in college or is she going to college?  That costs money too.

On the flip side, is she working?  Is she willing to work?  With two incomes, it will be easier on both of you.  

Let's just put it this way...  You can live on a small amount of money, but you'll have to put yourself on a budget, sacrifice some of the things you enjoy, and live within your means.  If you're making $10 an hour, you're not going to be living in the lap of luxury; however, you can live on your own if you stick to a budget and have some self-discipline.  You can do it, but you have to be a responsible adult.

I hope some of this helped.  Good luck to you!
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