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  Author    Accepting non-virgin  (currently 249 views)
labilers
Posted on: December 31st, 2011, 1:20am Quote Report to Moderator
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Posts: 3
This is actually related to this thread here
http://www.latestngreatest.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?,b=love,m=1315208595
But since this is a different topic, I decided to create a new thread. Anyway thanks to the guys who contributed to the thread above, I appreciated your help

Here goes...

Hi guys, I would like to share my problem that I have with my girlfriend. We have been together for 6 months, but those 6 months have been a very hard battle. The way we got together was that she was still going out with his ex, although as friends. But since the timing between her going out with her ex and me and her getting together is very close, she still has leftover feelings for him. I too did not know this until I saw her phone texts with his friend, saying that she still misses him. Since then, I have been very angry and we keep fighting about this non-stop. Her attitude which is quite egoistic and high self-pride also did not help.

However, we can debate that at the time, I was too quick to approach her and ask her to be my girlfriend. I asked her to be my gf only 2 weeks after we go out. She said that at this time she was trying to let him go and they were arguing.

Anyway, the main problem is 2-3 months into our relationship. I will be honest; we have pre-marital sex with each other. Thatís when the problem starts. From our first time, there was high suspicion that this is not her first time. True enough, when I asked her 1 month later, it was not. I was her third!

She explained that she was tricked when her virginity was taken. She was with this guy who promised her that he will be with her till the end. But the guy itself turned out to be a player. He went out with other girls after that. When my gf tried to break up with him, he threatened my gf that nobody would want her anymore since her virginity was taken and that she should stay with him. My girlfriend was very afraid then and after a hard time, she was finally able to leave him.

Now, for the second guy, it was a few months after this scumbag guy. My girlfriend was very devastated by what her ex said and when this second guy came into the picture, she felt very supported. Mind you that this guy is of different religion with her and in our country, it is very difficult for two different religions couple to be together. However, since he is very supportive, she got with him nonetheless. Although, when I asked her whether he knows the truth about her last relationship, she said that he might know, that I was implied from the way he hates her scumbag ex.

Eventually, the relationship did not work out because of the religion. Her family did not support her getting with him at all, which is to be expected. But, alas, she made out with him too. This time her reason was that he was very supportive and she did not mind at all to give it up to him. I asked her, do you know that you two were not meant to be from the beginning? She answered that she was heavily hoping on it to work out, because she had lost all hope when she ended her troubled first relationship.

Now, she is with me. For the record, before I got with her or anybody at all, there is no pre-requisite at all whether she should be a virgin or not. But when I found out about it, I was quite devastated. Actually, when I had my suspicion when we had our first time, I was already quite positive that she was not a virgin, and it haunts me like crazy. By the way, I am also not a virgin. I have done it with my ex and the reason was that we like each other but because we became geographically apart for a long time, I thought it was best for us to break up.

Moving on, when I really found out the truth about her, actually I was not that surprised (since I already had my suspicion), but since then, knowing that it is true after all, I became quite taken aback. When I had my suspicion, there was comfort in knowing that it might not be true, but now, it is absolute. Since then I keep thinking about it non-stop. I had to consult a psychologist about it because I canít consult with anyone else about such a sensitive matter. Turns out I had an obsessive nature, an obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I obsess about her past so much I keep asking her what happen although I had asked her before. I also keep replaying those unwanted scenes in my head like a broken record although it pains me.

That is one thing to take care. Another is whether I can accept her for not being a virgin. True I did not have any pre-requisite but it is still a disadvantage/negative point of her. Although after some tough times asking her about the reason, it quite comforts me that, mind the wordings, she is not someone who is easy.
I have read numerous help on the internet then. I know that if I love her I would not mind this at all, that a womanís worth is not entirely about her virginity, but her loyalty, sincerity, kindness, etc. But still I could not remove that label from her till now. Furthermore, when I found out about the truth, it was not really at the moment when I loved her really much to not mind about it at all. However, I still stick to her till now, and she has proven to me that she has changed Ė she is not as egoistic as last time, she listens to me most of the time now.

My biggest fear is that I would not be able to forget about her past. That it would haunt me. I know that my OCD can be cured, but I am still struggling with it. Whether I can accept her is another thing. Even after all this, I still feel reluctant to break up with her. I like her a lot, and the number of times I regretted about her past is uncountable. But sometimes it affected me in a negative manner, I became easily angered. Maybe because I feel that I have put in so much effort and have to endure so much, that whenever she made a little mistake, I became very picky. I personally feel that this is unfair to her.

I want to change, I tried my best to keep changing. But when do I know whether I have changed? Or whether I have reached my limit and should call it a day?
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leona14uk
Posted on: December 31st, 2011, 6:50pm Quote Report to Moderator
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i just love no matter how stupid i become!

Gender: Female
Posts: 166
first of all, u already know her past and you have to leave it behind cos its not going to help you and ur relationship. i understand that u have that OCD, but u have to help urself as well not this virgin thing be an issue to ur relationship, because she never lied to u anyway, and shes been honest.,

learn to accept her past because everyone in this world has past whether good or bad it is part of our life. and the only way to forget it is to accept.,and when u think like an adult, it will help u understand and overcome the imperfection of ur gf...

When heart BReAKs FIGHT LiKe HELL!!!!
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